What Went Wrong My Wedding Weekend - Advice to Future Couples
Well, obviously the title speaks for itself, things went wrong on my wedding weekend, as it does for most couples. I want to share what went wrong and how you might be able to prevent this. Know that there's a high likely hood that something will go wrong on your big day, the difference is being prepared for it to go wrong and thinking the day will be 100% perfect.
Hotel- So I picked this hotel based on the suggestion of a family member and because it was tied to our rehearsal dinner venue. I always heard good things about the hotel and the sales staff were super communicative and made sure we had everything we needed. Unfortunately, while affordable, for the money we spent the hotel was SUPER outdated! The lighting was horrible (My photographer literally refused to take pictures in the room, despite the natural lighting by the window). The rooms were CROWDED to get hair, makeup, and get dressed! I paid for 4 suites, and I think with the almost 20 people (2 flower girls 8 bridesmaids, 7groomsman plus moms). We would’ve been much better a few blocks down with two large suites at one of the more luxe hotels in town.
If you have to book a hotel for you and your bridal party for getting ready or anything beyond only sleeping, check it out if you can. Stay the night or ask the sales team if it would be possible to check them out.
My Sister-In-Law/Matron of Honor held me a lunch at a local restaurant day of the rehearsal, but I was running around so much I made myself late getting ready. I should’ve had my mom pick up my grandma, but I didn’t I made myself late to it, then late leaving because we waited on my other grandmother to get picked up. Then I was late getting to the hotel to check in drop my stuff and go to the rehearsal which made me late to the rehearsal between everything else and traffic.
If you do something like this, have it earlier in the day, like a breakfast/brunch situation. Maybe have someone else take your stuff to the hotel and get checked in if possible. Or have your car pre-loaded and go to the hotel yourself. I definitely should’ve timed this out better. Luckily, I’m always late so nobody was surprised, but I was upset and fuming on the inside.
Pajamas- didn’t pack any pajamas! or extra casual outfit besides one outfit! Make sure to pack a few extra items just in case you do go to the bars (or wear your wedding gear, whatever fits your vibe!) But that hotel was extra cold, and I missed my pajamas!
Rehearsal- Got bombed with questions on where everyone should be and when. I should’ve printed out itineraries and day-of-plan. I didn’t get a single picture with my fiancé at our rehearsal dinner or with our families. But his family at least got one good shot of all of them together. I am glad my mom forced a few at the church after the rehearsal, but I wish we got more of everyone that day.
I had one makeup artist booked, someone I trusted and adored who assured me they had the experience and could do each person in 15-20 minutes but refused to put on makeup until their hair had been done. This caused a HUGE delay in bridesmaids being ready in time to even leave. Like eyelashes were being applied as my dress and I were getting shoved into a minivan. Her reasoning? The makeup might melt… As someone who sold cosmetics and has experience doing it for weddings, good, quality products don’t just melt off. It’s all in the technique and the products you use! I only had one makeup artist and more people than I knew getting makeup done - make sure you have a team or someone with a lot of bridal party experience doing makeup! Have them do a trial run too!
My husband and brother lost one set of keys to one of the two minivans we rented. To prevent this, have one person in charge of all keys and trips to the cars to ensure no keys are lost. I tried to do this and had them clipped together inside my purse which stayed with me at all times. Also, nobody bothered to truly look where I told them, the box they brought back from the car…. exactly where I found them when we got back to the hotel room!
Photographer- I will not speak ill of her work or experience however, this is a HUGE sore spot with me about my day of experience. If I didn’t have these issues, I probably would’ve enjoyed my day much more. Prior to the month or two leading up to the big day, there was always an issue with communication. I was over having to work with her about 6 months out from the wedding but was worried I couldn’t find someone I liked for my date within my price range. I should’ve known it would be an issue. The day of, they were late, I was thankfully just finishing up my hair when she got there so she was able to do detail shots. She didn’t like the lighting of the rooms and very literally refused to take any pictures in the room, but her boyfriend (also a photographer) made it work beautifully. Because they were late getting there and the girls were behind getting ready, they rushed me through getting ready pics. Like I literally got dressed in an empty dark ballroom and have maybe 2 pics of it, and my ugly plastic hanger and plastic bag are in the background. Pictures in general were rushed the whole damn day. We had to stop in the middle of parent pics because everyone was missing their flowers except me and my husband.
The flower thing was a bridal party flop, but having someone else checking those kinds of things off the list like a bossy friend or a day-of coordinator will eliminate that. They didn’t really go through my picture list. We don’t have a single picture of just my husband with both of his parents. In most of the pictures with my in-laws, they aren’t even smiling because the photographer never gave a heads-up or anything. When it came to big family pictures, you could tell they were still living in micro weddings and didn’t know how to pose large groups.
When it came down to some of the important family pictures, we didn’t get through the list and didn’t know it until almost 6 months later when we got our pics. I’m also salty I don’t have a picture with one of our groomsmen who’s literally my roommate now, how can I have family pics without him?
We had some issues getting into the venue attached to our hotel where we were doing our pictures, the salesperson in charge gave me their work phone instead of their cellphone so I had no way of getting ahold of the person in charge of the venue who was walking around for another wedding. Because we had no way of getting in directly, we had to go a long and confusing way that caused delays for some of the pictures.
Because of all the kissing pictures (obviously), I needed to fix the edges of my lipstick and cupids bow, I got shaky and dropped concealer all down my dress as bridesmaids were lining up. At this point, I didn’t even care, because 1, it can be photoshopped out and 2, I felt like that wasn’t even the worst part of the day. Everyone was more upset than I was. My cousin sprang into action and went for the emergency kit. She got it all out with a makeup wipe and a shout stain wipe just in time! I was so over the ceremony and the entire day at this point and was ready for it all just to be over.
Now, some drama!! Because apparently, it’s so hard to read and remember things for some people, it was ignored that we had a 2-hour time gap by some relatives. Our venue thankfully didn’t let them in because we’d be charged the second, they opened the doors. Despite this relative having seen it on our website, the rsvp card, and gotten a call to remind them they still came and got upset and harassed the venue employee calling them a Gestapo and a Nazi (yes, you read that 100% correct). I actually now work with them so it’s awkward AF. I’m not sure how this can be avoided other than just not having a catholic wedding where there is a gap lol. I guess if you have extra money, have something for guests to do?
Our cake was wrong! Wrong order of the flavors, wrong look! Our cake looked nothing like any of the inspo pictures we had sent to the baker. The layers were in the wrong order. We had ordered a 3-tiered naked cake that was supposed to be decorated with berries and powdered sugar and a chocolate drizzle. The flavors were to be: cake topper- almond, middle - chocolate, bottom - red velvet, and there was supposed to be a raspberry filling (Yes, it’s as good as it sounds btw). We instead got a bottom layer of almond and a top layer of red velvet. Thankfully in addition we ordered one and half chocolate sheet cakes with raspberry filling and white icing (10/10). Thank god the cake tasted good, but I HATE all the pictures we have from toasts and the cake cutting because of it.
Had a few mix-ups with the DJ, both were my fault. I had the wrong bridal party pairs for his intros vs who was paired together for the ceremony so some last-minute fixes there. I also had forgotten the dad’s speeches to be included in the toasts, so he started playing music as we handed my dad the microphone and it was awkward. Note to self father of the bride usually gives a speech, make sure the intros are correct and match!
Nobody really watched any of the important dances. We did cake before them and for some reason people took it as an invitation to stand up and cut off the photographer and take pictures on their phones? This lead to most people being up and at the photobooth or bar or at other tables during our first dance, father-daughter dance, and mother-son dance. So, if I could do it over again, do dances before the cake cutting, maybe while everyone is seated for dinner.
A LOT of people left right after dinner. I’m not sure how to prevent this, but it was honestly pretty shitty and hurtful for them not to stay. It sucked even worse when I thought about how I chose them over other friends I would have rather had there that probably would have stayed. Also, all that before you even take into account you paid for them to ditch you!
I also lost majority of the reception to thanking guests for coming. I’m a talker and everyone knows it, my husband spent more time being mad I wasn’t dancing and drinking with him than him helping me speed the process up by cutting off the conversations. Do this shit with your spouse, you’ll get through it faster and both of you can then enjoy the rest of the night. Do this while everyone is eating or do a reception line outside of the church/ceremony space. Then it’s really over and done with.
I was exhausted and my husband wanted to go to the bars with our friends. I had been up since about 5:40 and it was 9:30, with 30 minutes left to go. Come hell or high water I was getting my money’s worth of this night not to mention the time I spent planning the day I was not ready for this to be it. My husband was drunk, and I was frustratingly sober, having only had 2 glasses of wine because my food and wine kept getting taken away…. Do not get drunker than your new spouse. Do not make them leave their wedding when they aren’t ready. Do not ruin what’s left of their day, let them have it. Be the last ones to leave your wedding. If you go to bars with friends, have a DD so your spouse can drink and enjoy themselves or pick another night to go to bars. If you get married on a holiday weekend like we did, go to bars the next night. Don’t spend your wedding night at a bar when everyone is exhausted, nobody has fun.
I spent my wedding night cleaning up the food and drink room. I should’ve brought trash bags of my own and offered the food to the hotel staff, but we had more partying to do with the family at a pool after, so we took it with us. Have someone regularly check in on the rooms to make sure they’re cleaned up for the most part. Stay in the cleaner room or get an additional room for your wedding night so you don’t spend it cleaning.
Remember this weekend overall is about you and your new spouse and the life you’re starting together. Try not to sweat the small stuff, but also let your partner in on some of it so it’s not something you’re bearing alone or have someone you can talk to about it, who might be able to help make a difference. I think the worst part of not enjoying my wedding day for various reasons was that it was my partner’s best day ever and I can literally never tell them about all the things that went wrong and why I hated this weekend because it ruins their vision for how great the day was.
Overall things I would do differently:
I’d 100000% would have spent more time finding another photographer. Once we started having issues with communication, I should’ve canceled the contract and taken the L on the contract. It took us almost 1.5 years to get engagement pictures done (understand pandemic problems, but we got them back one month before the wedding).
I would have hired a planner and/or a day-of coordinator. I should’ve for sure had a day of coordinator to keep the chaos to a minimum, someone to make sure everyone had their correct flowers, make sure everyone was where they needed to be when, and someone to keep us on time! This would’ve been so useful! Honestly, I also think hiring a wedding planner would’ve taken a lot of the stress of trying to coordinate vendors and who goes where a lot. They would’ve been able to walk me through the process and hopefully help with the day of, I think this would have also saved some of the troubles I dealt with.
Church ceremony - I would’ve just done it Friday night elopement style at the church with parents, grandparents, siblings, and any catholic family members who wanted to attend. (Probably just parents, grandparents, and siblings though). Then I would’ve either done a more casual ceremony at the reception hall/venue or just only done the catholic ceremony. This would’ve fixed our 2-hour time gap issue and our 40-minute drive issue. Not to mention my family wouldn't have been so confused on when to stand/not stand when to repeat, which Our Father prayer to do etc. (The looks on the non-Catholic bridesmaids were priceless though).
Also, I had the parents switch sides so they could see our faces, but the downside is my mom couldn’t tell my MOH to fix my dress every time I moved so my train looks like shit in every photo I have of the ceremony (solid).
It’s a really long day, especially if you had a mid-day ceremony. My day started at 5:30 a.m. and ended at 4 a.m. the next day. Don’t do what I did, I was miserably tired and stressed all day plus all these things that went wrong or were super annoying. Be kind to yourself and do an evening ceremony and reception.
Limit the number of venues you use. Church pics vs. venue 1, church, venue 2. Save yourself the extra steps and stress.
I hope you're able to learn from my mishaps and mistakes and save yourself the frustration and stress day-of.
