Being Diagnosed with ADHD As An Adult - How My Diagnosis Affected Me

As a kid, I was one of the best and worst students my teacher could’ve had. I did my work and submitted it on time. But I never SHUT UP! Every report card for 3 years straight I got NI for Needs Improvement on my behavior. I was an exemplary student in many areas other than behavior. I could mostly sit still, but I would talk out of turn, so I didn’t forget what I was thinking, I often forgot I wasn't the only Samantha in class, and I made friends everywhere I went. The teacher would move me time and time again away from my friends, and they’d turn around and I’d still be blabbing away at the poor kid next to me. Finally, they’d put me at a table with all the quietest kids in the class… which still didn’t totally stop me but did slow me down a bit. Looking back, I showed a lot of the typical signs for girls with ADHD.

I did well in school until it came to reading comprehension and tests. I STRUGGLED to read, I would have to read and re-read chapters at least 5 or 6 times before giving up and moving on. I needed background noise to do my work because well, classrooms are noisy, but at the same time, I couldn’t fully focus with the background noise. I was a busybody who didn’t want to miss out on anything!

As I got older, I struggled more with reading comprehension and test-taking. It wasn’t until I was fully taken out of a scheduled regimen in college that it REALLY showed its ugly head. I very literally failed my second semester of college and failed my first class EVER my first semester. A combination of too much partying, not enough studying, and a legitimate struggle to focus. I struggled to pay attention in my classes, I struggled to take decent notes because I was so focused on missing the last thing they said. I found myself really struggling for the first time. In most of my classes, the grades solely came from tests and maybe three assignments/per semester. The assignments, I struggled through but did them and the tests, well… between my anxiety and unknown ADHD I managed a few C’s, but the majority were a D or lower. When it came to biophysics, I would’ve been better off walking out on the first day of class.

As someone who also suffers from anxiety, my ADHD was often brushed off and diagnosed as anxiety, which is also quite common in women. It wasn’t until I was 23, I had the time and financial means to get tested for ADHD, and well, you could say I passed with flying colors. Straight to the ADHD medicine to see if we could work on my focus and get on the right track so I could once again be productive. My first week on medicine was a little crazy, I had no idea I could actually read AND understand?! A mind-blowing moment for me! On my honeymoon, I read my first ever book since I was a kid ON MY OWN ACCORD. AND even better, I FINISHED IT! I finished that sucker in less than 2 days! That was the first time it really hit me, like holy shit, this is the world I’ve missed out on? Being able to read at a normal and steady pace? I can get all my work done in a reasonable time?! I can stay on task and finish my tasks in a moderate amount of time! I can read books! I can work for hours and still be on task, I can switch tasks (even though I don’t like to) and still finish what I started! I was so excited.

For the first time ever, I felt like I had been seen by somebody and the colors were brighter, the sun was always shining, then boom! It hit me. Are you F-ing kidding me?! The more research I did on symptoms of ADHD in girls and the more Facebook groups for ADHD hacks I realized boys are TWICE as likely to be diagnosed with ADHD in childhood compared to girls. Thankfully as adults, it’s almost an even ratio. But SERIOUSLY?! Then I started to read up on all the symptoms girls have… That pissed me off even more. I had SO MANY symptoms, why did nobody bother to consider I wasn’t a bad kid, I just had undiagnosed ADHD. My high school and college careers could have looked so different if I had the diagnosis and tools available to me that I have now! I could’ve had a much more successful academic career and I could’ve continued my degree in Chemistry and education or Psychology (I changed majors 3 times in school, leave me alone, blame the ADHD).

As time went on, the more I was able to adapt to my new life, my successful attempts at planning and executing things for work, being able to complete my tasks and then some for work. Heck, I even helped lead a large portion of a Design Thinking Sprint while also being on the Diversity Equity and Inclusion Committee on top of my regular work! I didn’t miss a single deadline or task either.

To this day, three years later, I have mixed emotions with my diagnosis. I feel validated in my experience struggling through a lot of my schoolwork and assignments. I feel like someone finally listened to me. I feel like I’m living a whole new life with the help of my medication. But I still feel pissed off I was dismissed whenever it came up in conversation. I’m mad to think about how my life could be so different if I had just been tested earlier on. I think about all the times I was told I was just being lazy and wasn’t applying myself when really, I was busting my ass off color-coding notes, making flashcards physical and digital, trying to find a way to study that was functional to me. I never for a minute thought to look into ADHD hacks because I had been convinced, I just wasn’t trying hard enough. I think about the days I spent studying and doing homework around campus until 3am and getting up at 7am to go student teach before classes. I think about all the hours I put into lesson plans and study plans and how they always seemed to fail me. But I was so convinced it was me not applying myself because I was partying (on the weekends, AFTER I completed my homework, except homecoming and Halloween, I’ll be honest). I literally moved schools to come home because we were convinced it wasn’t a good fit and I needed to be in a more structured environment, I actually thrived in my own world away from family, I just didn’t thrive academically and that was all thanks to undiagnosed ADHD.

Adulthood with ADHD is great though. I’m learning new hacks for my brain and how I function all the time. I’m a half type a/ half type b kind of gal. I LOVE my lists and schedules; I love everything being color-coded but I’m cool if things don’t get done right away. I still find myself doing best under pressure (ex: I hold off on deep cleaning until I know someone is coming over). If it’s not written down on at least 3 calendars, I won’t remember it’s a thing. I still forget birthdays, so I made a family calendar as one of my google calendars which I have synced to my Outlook Calendar, and I have those synced to my apple calendar. I need to write down all tasks or they will be forgotten. I have to time block certain things I want to get done, like cleaning, I can’t just do a few things, I have to do them all at once. I hate trash in my car, but I always forget to take it out so I keep grocery bags in it and will hang it off my gear shift or I have an old gum holder and I put straw and candy wrappers in there. As time goes on I hope to wean off the medication, but for not it’s really helping me get through life effectively and productively.

If you think you may have ADHD, I encourage you to talk with your doctor about it to get tested! It can really change your life!