Why Failing Was The Best Thing For Me

I failed my Freshman year of college and here’s why it was one of the best things that could have happened to me.

I have this weird outlook that you learn more from a failure than you do a success. In Failure, you learn what doesn’t work, you have to find new ways to pivot and find what works best. In success, you just know something works, but in order to be successful, you have to fail at least once.

I ended my freshman year of college with a 1.7 GPA… yep, you read that correctly and I’m sure you just said “oh shit” or some variation of it too. I also had an “oh shit” but my ‘oh shit’ was how the hell am I supposed to go home and tell my parents I just failed my freshman year. How do I explain to them that their daughter, someone who was almost always an honor roll student just failed multiple classes? I’ll also add that the lowest grade I ever got in high school was a D in college algebra my second semester of senior year.

There were a few contributing factors to my failure that I’ll lay out here: 1. I had undiagnosed ADHD and struggled to find ways to study that would work for my test-oriented grades. 2. I completely overwhelmed my schedule with too many classes on top of having a required 30 hours of student observation as part of my new second major I added my second semester. I was taking college algebra, chemistry, biophysics + a lab, my education course, plus at least 3 or 4 other gen ed classes (those I did not fail thankfully). 3. I was missing class to chase after a boy (stupid I know but learn from my mistakes) and 4. A lot of science and math courses are graded based on exams, something I was not good at between my anxiety and my now-diagnosed ADHD.

The first lesson I learned was, accepting failure is F-ing hard dude. Especially when you’ve ever known success. This was easily one of my lowest of lows. I had to come home to my friends who had their whole life plans figured out and I had to figure out wtf I was going to do or who I wanted to be. College really is the time you start to find yourself. Typically, it’s the first time you’re ever on your own away from your family’s influence. It’s when you start to learn YOUR morals, beliefs and who you want to be when you grow up. As a kid, you see a college kid as both a kid and an adult, as a college kid, you realize everyone is pretty much winging it.

Lesson two- I HAD to get my shit together, first was getting into a new school, I had to go from having full freedom of my life to moving back in with my parents and commuting to the local state college. I was MISERABLE! I was constantly fighting with my parents, I didn’t want to be there, I didn’t want to follow the same rules as I did when I was in high school, we all had to get used to living with each other again and that was not a good time, 10/10 don’t recommend. How does one go from Honor roll to failure and try to get back? Well, you meet with the advisors in your department and in my case get an appointment with one in the department you want to go, have the shit torn into you, and hear them say “you'll never make it into this program.” Wow, the first person to be unprofessionally but honestly blunt with me in my entire academic career. He was an asshole but, honestly, it was something I needed to hear. That statement inspired me 1, to never go meet with him again, but 2. it inspired me to look at my other potential areas of focus. I went from a chemistry major to a chemistry + Science and Math Education (SMED and/or Southern Kentucky Teach/Skyteach) double major at WKU, to a chemistry/gen ed person who was told they couldn’t get into education. Next stop, taking some gen-ed classes that might get me into education or stay in the sciences. Psychology came into my life, and I was reminded of how much I love helping others. How my friends usually came to me when they needed someone to talk to because I guess I give good advice or something, but also, they knew I wouldn’t judge them, it would stay confidential AND they knew I’d be honest. I could be honest in two ways, and I would always ask what version they needed, do they need blunt harsh honesty or soft hold-your-hand friend honesty. I usually gave both but in a positive and caring way. BOOM! Psychology! I could be a therapist!

I switched majors and found a new advisor, one that both gave a shit but also didn’t bullshit me when I needed harsh honesty. He helped me get through my gen-eds and take a few career discovery courses that would broaden my horizons about the opportunities a psychology degree could give me. Youths, I love working with and helping the youths. I LOVED teaching so much! I could be a school counselor; I could be in the academic environment and help kids through their issues. Middle school is the literal worst for everyone, but high school can be stressful too. I knew I wanted to work in secondary education so this would be the perfect fit. Unfortunately, my school was more research-oriented when it came to the psychology program and I decided after taking statistics twice but managing to pass my research methods on the first try, maybe this wasn’t the path I was meant for. Then came the world of Communication! Remember how I said I wouldn’t shut up? It’s like that but in writing AND verbal! HELL YEAH!

In my time during college, I learned I really loved creative writing, and as a kid, I LOVED listening to the news, so much so when I started driving, I would report the traffic (not in real-time because that’s dangerous and I also drove a 6-speed). Everyone always joked I could do the news. I found a class that covered it, the best of both worlds, News Writing. Did you know in college I never failed a test that was an essay? I never failed any courses that involved writing, I would write every one of my papers within 30 minutes to 1 hour and sometimes even 1 hour before it was due. I was good at writing, and I knew it. The editing not so much, thank god for other editors who were in my life! You know who you are ;) and you’re probably cringing at every blog post you read too (sorry not sorry). My creative writing skills really came into play one class trying to figure out what we could all write about for one of our final assignments, next thing I knew I was brainstorming for everyone and giving them all their stories. THEN the professor asked me if I’d like to be a NEWS EDITOR?! (Again, cannot edit well, but can write like a G and can create stories out of thin air.) This was a really big and life-changing moment for me, and I didn’t even know it. I had literally changed my major to communication at the last possible minute and switched ALL of my summer semester classes to communication and here I was getting a job offer on the spot?! Woah, talk about a universe intervention moment.

Through this experience as a student journalist and editor, I really grew my circle to a whole new group of friends, some of which are still in my circle today! Also, during this time as a student journalist, I got to meet some of the journalists I had followed my whole life. One time I even got to be in the same room they were for a press conference and at first, I felt like I didn’t belong, but then I realized I had to make myself belong. Being the only woman in a room full of highly qualified journalists with 20+ years of experience was an eye-opening moment for me. Not only that, but later that next fall I won literal awards! I won a few first and second-place awards for my crime and social justice reporting! See I found something I was good at! I found a place where I belonged. I ended up not liking the heat from the more conservative readers and the rude and constantly sexist comments against me brought me to not a good mental space. But at the end of the day, I found my people and a whole new skill set I never would have found if I had not failed.

Through the failure I had to come home, re-learn how to study, I changed my major THREE times total, and here I was going from a D/C Student back to my A’s and B’s! I could not believe it; I mean like who would have thought?! Remember how I said when you fail you learn more, you sometimes have to pivot and try things until it’s right, that was me with my majors, I just hadn’t found anything that fit right.

Some non-academic life-changing things also came out of this failure. By having to move home and switch schools, I spent time with some high school friends who dragged me to a party. Here, I ended up meeting some hot guy in these Aztec-printed pastel Chubbie shorts that really caught my eye. After a few months of running into each other on campus and at other parties, we started dating and now we’re 1.5 years into marriage!

I also got a whole new level of respect for my dad who went back and finished his degree at 50. I learned a new level of respect for my parents overall and all the sacrifices they made along the way without degrees to make sure my brother and I were able to get ours, even if we failed along the way or needed extra time. It brought my parents and I much closer even after all the petty and stupid fights when I first moved home.

It really showed me who was in my corner too. There were friends who used it as an opportunity to brag about their successes when I was at my literal lowest point. I had friends use me and my kindness for their own gains repeatedly. I got new people in my circle who would share my success and lows and help me through them. I was able to reconnect with some old friends and renew our relationship. I was able to get reconnected and volunteer more with my alma mater Sacred Heart which lead to a position on one of its boards.

I really got to grow a lot as a person. I used to really not understand how people struggled with school, but I get it now. I also gained a whole new view on life and failure versus success. I learned a lot about myself and my tenacity and ability to push myself back up even when I didn’t want to get back out of bed. I got a great example of how I might parent that exact scenario in the future if I have kids and they fail. I was grounded and humbled big time. I recognized failure was part of life and we all have to face it sometime. I became more self-aware and learned to speak up for myself when I need guidance and help and not fear judgment.

Now, once I got my ADHD diagnosis, this WHOLE thing became like a surreal moment, had I had the diagnosis sooner I could’ve had a lot more accommodations when it came to my academic career, and probably would’ve had a lot more success earlier on. However, at the same time, my late diagnosis grounded me again reminding me of how much harder I had to work to come out of my failure and get my grades back up to be able to graduate. It made my diploma that much more glorious to look at (not like it’s still sitting in its envelope or anything….).